On The Road To a New Me

It's no secret, especially to those who know me...I have a sweet tooth and am a late night snacker.  I guess I could blame it on genetics, but that's not entirely fair or accurate :)  The fact is, I am overweight and I need to do something about it. if not for me, than for my girls.  I am 29 years old, 5 feet and 1 inch tall, and my starting weight three weeks ago was 165.4 lbs.  Yikes.  That is right about how much I weighed when I gave birth to Olivia almost two years ago!  No, I didn't just not lose the weight....on the contrary...I lost almost every bit of the 20 pounds I had gained within about 2 months, however, that can't be expected to continue especially when the weight loss was at such a high rate.

Over the next year and a half, my weight steadily began to creep upwards.  When I hit 159, I told myself that I would NOT let it go any higher, and yet, it did... Candy bars, pop, and just overeating pushed me up and over the top to my highest weight to date, 165.4.  I tried dieting pills (yes, I know they aren't good for you, but I was curious), but couldn't stick with them.  I looked into "fad" diets...not for me.  Then, I remembered seeing an ad for Slim Fast.  Meal replacement intrigued me because it made it so much easier to know what I was going to take for breakfast and lunch to work, that I didn't even give myself the chance to try and decide on the spur of the moment.  So, three weeks ago I committed myself to getting healthier and began reducing my calories, and using my rowing machine at least 5 days a week.

I typically do my "official" weigh in on Monday morning, but like to weigh each morning just to make sure I am still on track, especially if I cheated the day before.  Some might say that weighing daily is unhealthy, but I just see it as a way to monitor myself and stay motivated.  As of this morning, I was down to 159.4, which is down 6 pounds in 3 weeks.  I hope to continue to progress until I hit my goal weight of 133, but until then, every pound, every pant size, is a victory!

A Look Back at 2014 in the Spotanski House

Wow, 2014, what a year you were for us!  A quick recap:

We began our year in Omaha, Nebraska, living in our condo, with dreams of selling it.  These felt like pipe dreams, as we had thought about and discussed it for the last several years.  Who wants to raise two kids in a house that has no yard?  Olivia's crib was moved from our bedroom to the frontroom, because we were keeping each other awake at night.  We knew that the sleeping situation couldn't continue with Olivia's bedroom being our main living quarters, so towards the end of January we began to look for apartments to rent with three bedrooms, as we were seriously talking about fixing our condo up to list on the market.

February saw us living in a three bedroom apartment a little farther east in Omaha, around the 90th and Dodge area.  This put Nick about a mile from Harbor Freight, a tool store that he has a secret love for, and quite a bit closer to his job with Con Agra downtown.  We lived on the third floor and the girls only had a small concrete balcony to "play" on.

March began with us beginning to work on the condo to get it show-room ready.  The girls went to spend a little time with my parents in Missouri so we could focus our efforts at the condo.

In April Nick, Emma, and I took our vacation early and spent a week in Branson, Missouri.  Emma got to experience Silver Dollar City, the Dixie Stampede, and the Branson Belle, with the Dixie Stampede being her favorite.  I think Nick and I came home more worn out than when we initially left for vacation!

May was more working on condo and meeting with a Realtor who really didn't give us the reaction we were hoping for about the house.  At the end of May we decided to rent out the condo instead of selling it because it was going to be a lot of money out of pocket to settle up on the loan even after selling.  Renters were found quickly much to our relief.

Olivia had a big month in June, with turning one and all :)  She was still not walking or showing any interest in it.

July was an uneventful month with just celebrating the 4th back in Missouri.  Ethan left for Toledo, Ohio for a residency.

August brought Emma's 4th birthday, which of course had to be a Frozen theme!  Nick interviewed with a construction company in Missouri, as the itch to get out of the city was getting worse than ever.  August 29th, Nick got a phone call from Heico, offering him a job!

September was a busy month for us.  The first week, a wonderful former coworker was taken home to be with the Lord very suddenly.  I attended her funeral in the same church where Nick and I got married years earlier, definitely a sobering last memory of Omaha.  The 12th was both mine and Nick's last days of work as we left for Missouri the following day!  The hunt to find a place to live in the area we needed was quite an interesting one, but ended with us choosing a house in Trimble, a budding metropolis of 650 people :)  Nick began his new job with apprehensions as to whether or not he could perform well in his new role.

October I received a job offer with a daycare in Gower.  The girls got excited for Halloween as Emma dressed as Elsa and Olivia was a giraffe!  Nick turned 34.  Emma diagnosed with Asthma.

November was a month with lot of food, family, and traveling.  We had Thanksgiving with my family the weekend before the actual date, and got to see Ethan for the first time in over six months!  My mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer, but given a good prognosis.  We then made a 5 1/2 hour drive to Dannebrog, Ne to spend a long Thanksgiving weekend with Nick's family.

On the 4th of December Mollie had surgery to remove the cancer, and on the 15th we learned that the surgery had successfully gotten all of it.  We drove back to Dannebrog again for Christmas with the family, then spent Christmas Eve at our own house, instead of at Gma and Gpa's house.  It was the first time ever that I had not been at their house overnight on Christmas Eve, so it was different for everyone, but we enjoyed ourselves, in spite of the fact that Olivia contracted Croup and a sinus/ear infection :(  She was so miserable on Christmas, which was a bummer.  We went to church on Christmas Eve, which was the first time in months that we had been, which I am ashamed to admit.  Made a vow to go to church more regularly so that the girls can be raised in the way that the Lord wants, as well as us wanting it too.  Realized that 2014 had really blessed us in so many ways, and began looking forward to how 2015 will top it!

What a Wild Ride!

I have been absent from the blogging world for nearly three months now, and for good reason....

We are now residents of Trimble, Missouri!!!!  Back on August 29th Nick was offered a job with Heico Construction Group in north Kansas City, around KCI, and on September 13th we bid a final farewell (and almost a good riddance!) to Omaha!  Something that we never really thought would happen for us, actually did, and we were able to move out of the city closer to family :)  Needless to say, the past few months have been incredibly busy, but in a good way.  Trimble is a little town of 650 people about 6 miles north of Smithville and about an hour from Mom and Dad's.  There is a lovely little restaurant, bank, gas station, post office, and car wash.  Basically everything we could need except a grocery store, but that's a mere 5 miles away in Smithville.

I cannot begin to describe how amazing it is to be back in God's County away from the hustle and bustle of the city.  I was excited to move to the city when we got married 5 years ago, but it quickly lost it's lure for me, and especially since having Emma, I ached to get closer to family, whether it be to his family or mine.  He applied in both Grand Island and Kansas City, and had interviews both places, but the companies in Grand Island never pulled the trigger, and so now here we are, residents of Missouri (again for me!)  I know Nick's family was disappointed when we told them we were moving farther away, as we're now 5-5 1/2 hours from then in Dannebrog, but it's mostly interstate driving for when we go up there, and it goes quickly.  We have been back once since moving and I think it helped set their minds at ease that they will still see us and such.  I don't blame them...I know my parents would have felt the same if things had worked out that we'd moved farther West.

Moving from Omaha was something that we had talked about for years, and never actually thought it would happen.  When Nick called to tell me that he had been offered a job in Missouri, I was over-the-moon excited to be finally rid of city living, but it wasn't without a bit of sadness and apprehension.  Small Miracle Preschool and Child Care was a place that I absolutely LOVED working, and it was really hard to leave them.  I had some of the best parents and kiddos there, and saying goodbye to them was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Also, having only two weeks, 4 days (two weekends,) to find a place to live wasn't exactly peachy, considering the lack of properties available to rent in Platte City and Smithville, that was within our price range.  So, when Nick saw this place on Craigslist, we were anxious to check it out, as we had just missed out on one place, and didn't have many other leads.  

As you can see, for the first time since we have been married, we now live in a H.O.U.S.E.!!!!!!  With a YARD!!!!!!!  It has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a nice big kitchen, big frontroom, and a HUGE garage with a huge workbench and tons of built in cabinets!  Also, it had a shed that works perfectly for storage!  Immediately after finding this place, we bought the girls a wooden swingset for the back yard, and it has been a huge hit!  Every day that it is nice enough, we spend lots of time swinging, sliding, and just enjoying the outdoors.  

Nick is liking his job pretty well, although he is incredibly busy right now with budgets, month-end close, software testing, and who knows what else.  He generally gets home around 6:15-6:30 each night, which doesn't leave a lot of time to play with the girls, especially Olivia since she goes to bed around 7 p.m.  However, this busy time will pass and hopefully he'll be able to get home at a more normal hour soon.  On the job front for me, I have been offered and accepted a position with The Learning Tree Preschool and Daycare in Gower, Missouri.  They are working on getting a new facility opened in Plattsburg, which is about 15-20 minutes from us, so not a bad drive.  I will be teaching 2-3 year olds, which will be a change from the infants, but one I am ready to tackle!  Olivia and Emma will both be able to attend school there, and tuition is free for employees, which is huge for us!  

Also, not relating to moving, Olivia started walking towards the end of August, and hasn't slowed down since!  She's a real handful always pulling stuff out of cabinets and climbing inside, and she's trying to climb onto and into EVERYTHING right now!!!!  She loves to follow Emma around, and almost every night while Nick and I are eating supper in the kitchen, she's chasing Emma around and Emma is LOVING it :)  As far as things go for Emma, she's growing a bit....still a shrimp though ;)  Also, she was recently diagnosed with mild asthma, to our dismay.  We're in the process of getting financial aid set up for her monthly inhaler, as it's $177 per month.  Not like we couldn't afford it if there weren't financial aid options available, but that a lot of money per month, and when Nick's insurance kicks in on December 1st, there will be no prescription coverage until our deductible is met, which is $2000 per person :(   So I am very thankful that there will be some assistance, as the medicine is necessary, especially with winter coming on quickly.  

So, that's what we have been up to the past three months!  Moving, new jobs, lots of paperwork and such, and a whole bunch more that I can't even remember :)  A whirlwind Fall if you ask me!

My Big Girl

Dear Emma,

I can scarcely call you a toddler or baby anymore, now that you are FOUR!!!!  When did that happen!?  Four?????  I can remember the day that all 6lb 0oz of you entered our lives and turned our world upside down!  You began to scream and it hasn't really stopped since :)  You have certainly turned into a beautiful and independent little girl, maybe too independent at times, but someday I'm sure that I will be grateful for your stubborn little streak.

Some of your favorite things right now include: being outside, swimming, "Frozen," riding your scooter and bike, playing with Play Doh, and taking baths!!!!!!!!!  In fact, anytime that I tell you it's time for a bath, you automatically want Olivia to join in!  Just this past Monday you started in a new room at daycare, and are officially a Monkey now!  You know how to write your name, and are learning other letters, numbers, and even some Spanish!  You won't start Kindergarten until you are six because you miss the cut off date for age, but I am okay with that.

No matter how challenging of a day you dish out, or how much you kick and scream when it's time to brush your teeth or go to bed, I love you with all of my heart, and always will.  Maybe it is wrong, but I would be happy if I could just freeze you and Olivia at the ages you are now, for the rest of our lives.  You still think that Mommy and Daddy are cool enough to hold hands and snuggle with, and although that I know that you must grow older day by day, you will always be my little girl, and I am always going to love you.

Love You Forever -- Mommy

Where Did the Time Go!?!?

My Baby Olivia,

Okay, so many people would argue that you're no longer a baby now that you have just celebrated your first birthday....wait, what!?  Where did that year go?  It has been one of the most amazing and challenging things, being a mother of two, but I wouldn't change it for the world.  I am going to reminisce a bit now, so if I lose you, I don't blame you :)

You sure started things off with a bang, and didn't really stop until you were 7 weeks old!  I went into labor at 1:30 a.m. on June 1st, 2013, and you were born 5 1/2 hours later at 7:00 a.m.  I think I may have said some things to my nurse that one never should, but after being poked 4 times for them to try and find a good vein for the IV, and going through massive contractions, needless to say I felt that it wasn't entirely out of place :)  Then, when you were but a wee babe at a week old, we got a phone call that no parent ever wants.  Your pediatrician called and said that your infant cystic fibrosis test came back funny/suspicious, and that they wanted to retest you right away.  I cried and cried and asked how it was that our perfect little girl might have such a terrible, and ultimately fatal disease.  The next day we rushed to the hospital for them to take blood for the retest, and were informed that it would take 2 weeks for the results to come back.

In the meantime, around 3 weeks of age, you began to run a fever of 102, which was high for a newborn, so you were hospitalized for 3 days, had to have a spinal tap (cringe,) bloodwork, and an IV.

  It was the most pitiful little sight that I never wanted to experience again.  However, little did I know that 3 weeks later, just about the time you turned six weeks old, you would spike another high fever, and be hospitalized for the second time.  The first time you were in, it was determined that you just had a virus, but this time things were more serious.  After asking the doctors numerous times, and getting no answers, it was determined that we would be there for a week.  Towards the end of the week we learned that you had Sepsis, which is a reaction when the body is fighting a severe infection that has made its way into the bloodstream, and could be potentially fatal.  When they finally said the word "sepsis" I about panicked, because I knew that it was severe.  After 7 days of Rocephin, 3 IVs (because they weren't wanting to stay in), another spinal tap, and even a kidney ultrasound, you were finally cleared to go home.

So as you can see, you provided us with more worry, fretting, and sleepless nights than we could have ever imagined!  But, as I sit here typing this, knowing that you are sleeping peacefully in the next room, I wouldn't go back and change any of it, as strange as it may sound.  The reason is because you and I got to bond in ways that many parents never do, in the face of serious illness.  You are now a vibrant, healthy little lass who is crawling, learning to pull up, and loves to sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider."  When I first found out I was pregnant with you, I worried about how I could possibly divide my love between two little beings.  However, math has never been my strong suit, and I didn't divide my love, but rather it multiplied!  Thank you so much for choosing me to be your Mom!  I love you more than words can say  XOXO

Love-Mom

Motherhood

Motherhood....boy, sometimes it's not all I thought it would be.  For instance, the mornings when you hear your 3 year old kicking your bedroom door at 2 a.m.  Or the times when I can't hear the one show that I watch routinely (Once Upon a Time) over all of the screaming and crying.  When Emma clearly continues to misbehave even when I've told her a T.H.O.U.S.A.N.D. times to stop.  When Olivia cries multiple times during the night because she's lost the dang pacifier AGAIN.

Motherhood....boy, it's sooooo worth it!  Whenever Olivia grabs my fingers with her tiny hands in the middle of the night after I have replace the pacifier for about the ninth time :)  Whenever Emma comes up to me, hugs me, and tells me she loves me and is sorry for being naughty.  When both girls want to snuggle on my lap before bedtime and they end up holding hands, or Olivia pulls Emma's hair and she begins to bawl, saying that "Sister is being mean to me."  Those kisses, those smiles, those "crystal moments."  I pray that these moments last for decades to come, and am so thankful to my girls for making it all possible :)

My Purpose

So, lately I am feeling like I am just stumbling through life.  I don't know my direction or what I am meant to do with it, and I don't think about it often.  I tend to live in the moment, only occasionally looking into the future a few months to a year.  However, one direction I don't feel like I am being tugged towards is teaching.  Yeah, yeah, I know I have a teaching degree, but it's not what I feel like I am being called to do.  I know I love kids and I know that I love caring for them, but that's about where what "I know" ends.  Nick seems to be pressuring me to use my degree to teach, because I think he sees that as the only thing I can do with an English degree.  He argues "Why should you work somewhere that you don't need a degree for, and alongside others who didn't go to school?  Why not use the degree you worked years towards?"  Touche.  However, he doesn't even ask me if I enjoy working in child care, and just assumes that because I have the degree, that I want to teach, which could honestly not be farther from the truth.  However, if I say that to him, then I'm afraid he'll think I am lazy and don't want a "real" job....whatever that means. 

So here I am freewriting, as an exercise to get me thinking without feeling.  Is he embarrassed of me?  Does he see other women at his job and wish I were more of a professional?  Is it a money issue?  I can't figure it out, obviously.  And I can't figure myself out.  What a mess.  How am I supposed to know how to fill the role God intends for me, if I can't even figure out what that role is, and if no one wants to give me the chance to figure it out?!?  I don't know if I want to even publish this for everyone to see, but I think maybe some insight from others might be nice.  Please don't think badly of Nick, as I know (well, hope) that he's saying this stuff with the best of intentions...