Depression

I am coming to any of you who ever read my blog in a state of desperation tonight. Still no word on the job-front for Nick and I can see that he's really losing hope and faith in his situation and life in general. It kills me to hear him say that other than me and Emma, life is a total disappointment to him and he doesn't see why he should try at anything anymore. I am so worried that he's going to do something impulsive that would hurt himself, and plus, his worrying and anxiety is really taking a toll on me as well.

You don't know how much I want to see him happy, but I think I have yet to see him totally happy ever since we first met. He talks about how he doesn't care about his job and doesn't care if he gets fired (which I can understand to a point because they treat him like crap there), however, and I'm not saying this to try and make it about me, but when he says that it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me or Emma because if he were to get fired we would be screwed with no income, healthcare, etc. I have asked God soooo many times why Nick? Why can't he get a break? He's a good, honest hard worker who never is given a good break and I just don't understand God's reasoning behind this. I know that he has his reasons for why he does everything, and that we're not always meant to know this reasoning, but damn it I get mad when I see my husband just feeling more and more depressed and he can't seem to find happiness at all.

I can only continue to pray for God to help us out and to give Nick a chance in a new job role with a new company, because I think until he can get a job somewhere where his work is valued and he's compensated more for what he does, then he will continue to be depressed about life and I don't want that, especially since this should be one of the happiest times in our lives (married a year and getting ready to have our first baby). Please just pray for him and for God to hear our prayers. Feeling like we need a miracle right now.